Coronavirus Lockdown UK Homeschooling day 33
I would like to start todays blog by saying, when this morning (Thursday) I said “If you like my blog please clap for me”.. I would like to confirm that I meant on Medium you are given the option at the end of the blog to clap up to 50 times as to how much you like it. And NOT as it is Thursday that I have elevated myself to godlike NHS care-worker standard and expect all of you at 8pm this evening to go outside your houses and physically clap for me….
This morning we had the middle of the night story time that we usually nearly miss as we are asleep. It is not officially called that, but as it is held at 9.55am and we are not early risers it is considered to be that.
Luckily we had had an order of Nutella in yesterday so Alex was able to be bribed to the table to watch.
At the end of the call the teacher helpfully said ‘So everyone, its a lovely day! All you have to do today is go outside as much as you can and run around!”
After that any thought of homeschooling was out the window for Alex. His ACTUAL REAL TEACHER gave him a day off. So right there and then I had to just admit defeat, and walk away from the lesson.
Seb said that if Alex had a day off then he felt sick, had Rona and was needing to have a day off sick in bed.
We were in the middle of discussing the statistics of the worlds 10 largest cruise liners when we woke up this morning(Seb is obsessed and we have to start our day with discussing the zip line length on “Symphony of the Sea”. I vaguely consider this as learning. And later it will turn to the Titanic so that sort of counts also
Derek was working hard from home (it was lunch break I guess). But he is trying a new management style. It is “Pirate style”, apparently Pirates were amazing innovators and leaders, and the way they ran their raping and pillaging empires was admirable.
Derek made lunch today as I was busy working and not hungry, so I had a bit of a hissy fit and being a servant for the family for a meal I did not even want to eat or have time for. Yes it was less delicately delivered than that and may have been peppered with the odd swear word, or phrase starting with F and ending with sake.
Seb dislikes any change to routine or expected service, I walked in halfway through and asked how it was going. He calmly looked up and glared at me, I think he is deeply displeased at the unscheduled change to his meal service. You will notice Alex is not even foolish enough to sit down next to him…
Another lovely day, but our paddling pool seemed to be deflating, and so Derek was out fixing it. He explained to Alex that the side needed to be blown up, so Alex thought he would help. Derek really should have told Alex that it needs to be blown up via the valve… Alex spent a good 10m minutes just raspberry blowing cheese n onion crisps randomly on the side of the pool.
Emily went on a bike ride, and got a puncture so came back rather quickly, as Alex and Seb were not learning there was not much I could do with her, so we said as long as she was not on electronics inside that was fine.
She has been out with Alex in the pool — we are not 100% sure where Seb is, I think he is asleep somewhere…. I even called a fire drill and noone came.
Alex has been learning some great life skills and ways to communicate with elder children. He has just told Emily she is a “Complete and utter bitch” for splashing him. Yes I can confirm that marriages are put under pressure during lockdown…..
I am hoping that the teacher takes into account how much stress us parents have been under during homeschooling and the language that they have been subjected to in condensed form. And prepares Alex accordingly and correctly in the same motivational manner that we have been using for every lesson by starting it with “Right I am not Fucking joking, you do this sodding lesson or lose everything you hold dear and valued” and ends it with “See! Wasn’t fucking difficult was it?!?” As he is now used to or she also could be subject to the new “Language of lockdown” . Although in Alex’s defence he thought it was a female dog, as he loves dogs, and we might get a puppy apparently….
Derek did get up and try to fix Emily’s bike, and sometimes he really forgets who he is speaking to….
As he thought I would give a shit and came to show me the inner tube — we really are scraping the bottom of the communication barrel. He without humour or irony said to be “If I run my finger over it really gently here I can find a little hole. Not like that over there, its a huge hole, I can get my entire finger in without stretching it!”. So how did he think I would react to that?!?
The outcome being we know where Alex learnt how to say the swear phrase that he addressed Emily with…
I am not drinking tonight, I keep having really weird dreams, I woke Derek up last night by shouting about Holy Water and performing an exorcism. And apparently another time I slapped him around the face. I did not like to tell him that the time I slapped him around the face I was fully awake…..
Stay safe and stay alert. Tomorrow is Friday and I hope the bitch is bringing wine!!!