Coronavirus Lockdown UK homeschooling day 29
Today has been a strange day, not a bad day, not an awesomely good day — just a strange day. Which has bemused me as generally the days fall into distinct categories, and this is a new one.
I tried to get some admin done this morning, and as Derek also had calls we thought we would let the kids run wild this morning (and the electronics deplete themselves of batteries…) and homeschool after lunch.
Pretty sure every mother in the world can relate to this… but how can it be that there are 2 certainties in family life -
- The children will be silent until you make a phone call. You leave the silence a moment, check it is safe, tentatively dial the number.. silence… on hold… still silence…. on hold some more… still silence… At at the point the call is connected to whomever you have been on hold for…. All hell will break loose and everyone needs a bum wipe, drink, kidney transplant, plaster, object removing from a body part.
- Should you require any of your family members, like calling them to help you, carry something upstairs, do a job, ask what they want for lunch, come and thank grandparents on the phone for a gift — noone is to be seen. Tumbleweeds. However, should you NOT want them, not want anything, quite happy concentrating and be sat working in the kitchen every bastarding member of the family feels you are open and available to listen about an itchy foot or joke they saw online(the joke was — Q what is the difference between Gingers and a Brick? A — A brick gets laid!).
I had to speak to the bank and decided that Number 1 was definitely going to happen. And I appreciate that the Coronavirus is a bit annoying, and some people are more hysterical and dramatic about it than others… But I got through to the MOST dramatic person I have ever spoken to about the Coronavirus. In fact it was so dramatic, and as I have not been out the house or read the news (who else is sick of seeing death graph league tables constantly?!?) that I genuinely thought I had missed some mass awful event.
Oh and I had a food shopping order delivered — which was super exciting, anyone real from the outside world arriving is exciting. I am sure this is why we have seen no Jehovahs witnesses lately, not because they are on lockdown but they are actually being held captive somewhere down the road by the first house they knocked on the door at by someone desperate for interaction!!
Myself and the delivery man did a weird little dance as we became confused and torn between social distancing and the British urge to help and apologise.It looked sort of like mating Moorhens apologising to each other from a distance, as we could not work it if we should hand the bags to each other or leave them on the floor, and what would be rude or classed offensive. In the end we just laughed nervously and I got to keep a torn bag of dishwasher salt for free. As is the English way. I get the feeling everyone is kind of over it now, as the local shopkeeper handed, YES HANDED, in an unsheathed hand no less, my change this morning. Oh we laughed gaily!
But anyway, that wasn’t about that, I went off on one. The shopping bought about good news. I of course ordered more Gin, but have been worried about my alcohol intake and perchance it is possibly a smidge on the high side.
So I had sensibly cut back from 1/2 a bottle per night to 1/3 of a bottle per night (baby steps…!). And when my shopping arrived I realised I had been drinking the smaller bottle of Gin and not the 1 Litre! How great is that?!? I am practically Tee-Total!!
Emilys day of homeschooling seems have revolved around training Roadman to sit up and beg for cucumber. She strangely got bitten on the lip by Roadman during this…
And this afternoon she was amazing, she combined PE and drama by spending 2 hours doing “Tiktoks”. And then a further hour for Geography, IT and Design with a stint on “Minecraft”. I have to say, I am really proud of her creativity skills at badging doing either pretty much nothing or utter crap and nonsense as worthwhile — she will go very far in life, likely in Management!
I had to work and was doing Video logs again (like Star fleet logs!), and I wanted to try a new microphone, which arrived today… Best name ever! And of course as I am childish I demanded Derek “lick my fairy” whilst I took a photo. The jokes are going to be non stop with this item I can tell….
The homeschool window got smaller and smaller for the boys, as our own requirements and lack of enthusiasm to try and enter the world of pain and hell that is “Home schooling Seb and Alex”. So we went from 5 days, to 3 days this week. And today from 4 hours to “lets do it between 2.20pm and 3pm ok?”.
It was horrific. Truly. But we have found that if we try and teach them in the same room but each of us take 1 child it is slightly better… For one of us… As have you noticed when 1 child is a complete and utter arsehole the other one is automatically Angel child in a sort of “Look of how great I am Mummy and what a little bastard he is Mummy! Love me more!” way
So Seb wrote a fact file about Blue Whales (he hates writing, we are having therapy as he refuses to write!).
And he also attempted to recreate Monet’s Japanese water lily and bridge painting through the medium of Crayola chalk.
Whilst Derek spent 35 minutes trying (and failing…) to get Alex to write the word “Thursday”.
But Alex got his own back on Sebs smugness… After homeschooling 40 minutes was up, Seb went to play minecraft, and Alex found a balloon and a tyre pump….
Derek and I decided we should tidy the house, and I hoovered the kitchen, but apparently did not do it very well so Derek had to do it all again. And apparently last time I cleaned the toilets I did not do them very well so he is off doing them.
I am just leaving that statement there for you all to think about… Ladies you can thank me and congratulate me in private message later!
And so just sat down to write this blog whilst Derek cleans (obviously passive aggressively with much banging around. Shit I did not change names, I had better do some other jobs badly so he has to redo them and not have time to read this!) and I said I would be finished soon.
And checked my emails — and funniest email! I totally forgot that a few months ago, for a laugh I signed up for a Medical trial… They wanted women and you have to be married and right handed. Sounded intriguing! Turns out it is a sex trial, and you have to watch porn whilst in an MRI tube. Still not 100% sure it is for real as the doctors name is Dr. A. Dilloh (which could just be my filthy mind but on first glance looked like something else!).
There are a few things that are intriguing me here — why do I have to be right handed?!? Can I select the porn, I mean, what if it is animal porn or tentacle porn? That would not do anything for me no matter how saucy it was in terms of porn scale. And to be fair I am at that age when I get a tingle from finding the right Tupperware or a non Iron shirt I like — so how are they going to moderate this?!?
And social distancing I guess is not a problem, as they just watch from a distance.
Do not think I will do it (non of my “London” clothes fit after lockdown for one!!)— but should anyone else wish to make some money, have a trip to London, and also be right handed do let me know and I will send contact details!!
Derek just asked me “Do you want to go out this weekend?” I am so confused, that sentence has not been uttered for so long… Where does he mean? Garden Centre? Park? London into an MRI tube watching squirrel sex?!?
Have a nice weekend!
Stay safe and Alert!!!